Restoring the Family: The Four Needs That Hold a Marriage Together”

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0:53 Here's your host, Doctor Eldrid Taylor. Hello, Hello, good morning. I am doctor Tay and as you see there, I the hertmone doctor and the Spiritual MD. But you know if you've been on my podcast by white Coat on with all the ass blueprint stuff and in the background, But today I want to just have kind of a personaltation and let people know who I am and the core values. You know, my patients I've been being a doctor for forty years. I have some since that I've known for twenty five thirty years, and they kind of know me. Me, Me and my wife and I. We practice together. We have a what we feel like we have an We don't we see patients one at a We don't rush through patients. We try to get to know our patients, and then our patients also get to know us, and so we enjoy medicine.

1:45 We enjoy working together. And there's not a whole lot of couples can say that. And we enjoyed. But it didn't come easy. I've been we'll be married at forty year June, and uh, you know, marriage is marriage is It's not easy, you know. But what we've discovered that if you can survive, if you can filter your way through, if you can negotiate and navigate through a committed relationship, when you finally get to that endpoint. And I feel like we're at that at forty years, I feel like we're at that mountain. It is a beautiful, beautiful thing. Okay. And there was a lot of times where we could have manended all believeing. It's a lot of decisions. There's a lot of opportunities to say I can't take this anymore, but we didn't, and we're so glad we did. And I just want to talk about a little bit of this journey. And then I also want to connect it to what I talk about cortisol and hormones, because that's a part of it too, because when you are disregulated, when your hormones are out of balance, it's very hard for you to make logical decisions. You make emotional this.

2:53 You make these primitive decisions. You're not making decisions that's using your executive function. And it ends up when you allow when you don't allow your conscious man and a lot of times when you're in love and you make unconscious decisions and you end up marrying a person that you probably shouldn't have married. And that's one of the things that people find out. Sometimes you have married in person. And if you understand what marriage is about and what connection is about you, you'll make better decisions even getting into the decision of being married. So anyway, so let's let's let's start with some slides and we'll see where this goes. But uh, if you have questions, I'd love to, you know, answer the questions. You know, I think this is important because at the end I'm going to show you is that the future of society depends on the future of the marriage. And I'm not talking about you know, these fake family values. I'm talking about scientific The children that we are producing are going to be affected what happened in home in the first four to seven years of their life. And it's subconscious, so they don't know that it has affected them. But when they go out into the real world, unconscious emotions and thoughts and feelings they get manifest in their reality. And so if there's if there was disruption in the family, they end up creating a ruptive life. So parenting is so important in marriage is so important because that's that's who's who's going

4:25 to run the major institutions and run for political office and all that. So we have to look back and say, Okay, where we are now, is that something that was actually started because it was a problem in parenting in the forties, fifties and sixties and seventies or whatever, because that's when I grew up. I'm a baby boomer, So what was going on then? What was the parenting Like? Now, what is the parenting like now, and what kind of children have we produced? So just think about that, you guys. All right, all right, So this is my wife and I now that I'll be honest with you, going to say, well, doctor tell you you look a lot younger there. Well, yeah, because I will, I was younger there. That's actually in twenty fourteen and we were actually in Bordeaux or whatever that was. It was some anniversary I've forgot. But we've been married for forty years, and I believe that the most important decision we made in the first year of our marriage. And this is what I learned from my parents because they did the death do you part count is that you have to take divorce of have to burn the boats. Now I'm not saying if you're an abusive relationship or whatever, but if you are deciding that you're going to get married and your committee to have to burn them, have to take force. I still believe that that is the most important decision that two people have to make. Don't give yourself that option, okay, And then it makes you have to evolve, It makes you have to grow, It makes you have to become something that is greater than what you would be alone. So this union should enhance both of you, all right, So a relationshipship should make the man better and the woman better.

5:59 And then I'll tell you when you have those two features, it magnifies. Okay. So the more you put in the relations the more both of you will grow, and the relationship multiply ten times that. And I'm telling you that that's something I learned two or three years ago. And I'll tell you why and how I learned. All right, So why this matters now? The reason why I brought this up is that I was talking to one patient and somehow we got on that I've been married for forty years. She's been a patient of ten or fifty years, and she was like, man, it's so rare that you guys worked together or all this, and you've been married for forty years. And so she sent me this tape. Well, she sent me this link to Harville Hendrix. Harvell Hendrix, and he's a marriage counselor and he's talking about the four core things that need to be a part of a marriage. But anyway, so she was talking about that, and then we had a couple who we've known for twenty years and they were on the brink of divorce they were thinking about. And so my wife had been talking to a woman and I had been to the mean.

7:03 So we sat down and said, let's just resolve this. Sat there for two hours and we talked and we gave them our words, and at the end of the two hours, we had really resolved, and they had promised the divorce all they were going to work it out. They weren't going to have that as an option. And I also said, which is something that I remember. I don't even remember whose song I told him. I said, look, man, as the words of this old song says, it's a keeper. Okay, So they were. That's what they were worrying about, is how they were. It's like it's cheaper the keeper, cheaper to stay in them to separate. I'm not talking about money cheaper. I'm just telling you about the effects on your life and the children's life. It's cheaper to keep the relationship, all right. So now this is this is what I'm saying about childhood. You know, I see uh, I see patients that I talk about stress. And I asked you, you know, how long have you felt like And not everybody says this, but but a lot of people say, I don't even feeling and then the next question I always tell me about you, you feel like it was stable And almost all the time they're going like father or mother, they had an absent far, they were distant, whatever, something. There was some instability in the home. Okay.

8:11 So that's why I'm saying that home environment. I've talked about this before, is that a child is in the data brainwave state. That means that whatever they see or hear, they take it into subconscious because at that point they don't have language, so all they feel and all they react to are all they remember are emotions. So for the first four years of your life, for the first four years of his life, they only receive emotions, they feel energy, and they get subconscious and they say, oh, the world is not safe, so I have to protect my I have to close my They don't they can't verbalize them, but that is what subconscious. So now as children grow up, they feel that same discan, instability, and all of those. So the family is a nervous system. Munich.

8:59 Children love learn, Is love predictable? You know? Is conflict explosive? You know? So are they seeing love? And they see it all the consistency, and everybody safe, so they feel safe, So they don't feel the world, they feel anything. They feel safe. Are are they looking at that? Wow? Everything is an argument, Everything is eruptive. Wow, that's how the world is. Wow. I'm going to have to deal with that. And that is safety consistent because they want everybody wants to feel safe. That's the difference between the sympathetic and the parasitic nervous is when you feel unsafe. The sympathetic nervous is fight or flight. So you're always in that fight or flight. So whenever somebody says something to the fight or I gotta retreat. So it's set your nervousness.

9:43 And we only have two switches. Either it is fight or flight or rest and digest. And what emotion is in your subconscious that is consistent? Is it rest and digest or is it constantly fight and fight a flight? All right? So and then we say, well, gosh, we you know, do I just for the kids? No? Not if it's two disregulated people. And so then you have this chronic hostility. They see this emotional cold war. So even they see you fighting all the time, they see you just saying we're just gonna suffer through this. We'll just be roommates. We're not gonna show any passion toward each other, We're not gonna tell the love. We're just gonna live in the same household. We're gonna try and raise these two three four kids, and we're just gonna suffer.

10:26 Let me tell you that the children feel that. They may not verbalize it, they feel it all right. So this is not an ideal situation either. Just because you're present, it doesn't mean that the child feels safe. Sometimes it's it's almost worse to stay together for the kids because they're constantly seeing this emotional cold war. So either it's an explosive situation or it's two parents who are distant from each other, and really that makes child feel distant also because they don't feel like a safe family. So that's what that's, you know. And and again I'm gonna talk and talk about this. It's hard to feel regulated when your nervously or harmones are all right. So it's very hard to have that projection or family if you're inside is not uh is not feeling that way, right.

11:19 So I told you I was listening to Harvlle Hendrix and this is the thing, he says. He says, you have to realize that you are married to a different person. Okay, that person is not like you. He talks about how there's nothing nature saying, so just think about it. You know, they say the snowflake all have geometric shapes. Every leaf is different, every tree is different everything. There's nothing exactly in nature. So for you to think that your partner is just like you, oh we have so much in common, He's just like me. No, that is your that is your your your love brain okay, is disconnected. You are in fantasy. And so you think that this person is just like No, that person is different. And we always say I want somebody to understand me, and was listening to I listen to all. So this is a Buddhist saying, no one understands. Okay, no one can understand. No one has lived your life. So you have to understand that each person has a totally different story and there's no way you can understand it or knew how I feel felt when we're eight years old and see bullied them or whatever. So understanding is what you want is somebody to hear you and to understand how you feel and That's what I had to learn from my wife, is that that's what they is not that, oh, I understand you, and now this is due to make yourself better. That is that is relation. That is relationship suicide. For a

12:49 man to say, I know how you feel and this is what you should do. They don't want you to tell them what to do. They just want you to listen to how they feel, and they want you to mirror their emotion. And when I say mirror, it doesn't mean if they are upset you have to get upset. You just have to understand that they are upset. Now, to a man, we don't understand it because we have a y chromosome. But if you are committed to the relationship, you want to do things that enhance the relationship. And if that means listening, mirroring, and understanding and making a wife feel safe, that's what I have to do. So anyway, nature that thrives on difference and marriage is different. Romantic love has the reality reveals it. So I'm saying, when you're in love, you don't make rational You just don't.

13:41 You are living in a fantasy. Everybody who's in and people who are in love what they do is they change themselves in the ways that are not compatible, and then they try and cover it up because they say, hey, that it's like that eighty twenty rule. I guess, you know, well he's got eighty percent, and then I'll try and change the twenty percent and see that that's the that's the mistake. All right. So there's four coord needs, all right. Every marriage must protect the safety. The number one thing that both parties want is safety. Okay, they want to feel safe, cure. They want to feel like the other person not understands them, but relates to them, can feel how they feel, can kind of mirror, can understand, can move how they move. So they want safety. They want to make sure that this relationship is safe, that you're not going to go out, you know, and harm the relationship and break the trust of the relationship. That's how they want to feel. So then if you feel like that, you cannot really connect until you have this emotional safety that both people feel safe, and when they feel safe, they feel like they're not going to be attacked, then they connect. And here's here's the quantum field theory about that, is that when you if you believe that everything is connected, because we're all energy. And what he talks about is when you make that one connection with your spouse, you really make a deep connection. It helps you to feel connected to everything. So that one connection, it really connects

15:14 you to everything. It's called nonlocality. You can do something in one place and it can be felt in another place. So that's the thing that's the importance of connection. And that's why it feels so good when you're connected to someone, you go out in nature, and nature, you know, feels better. I talk about you know, when a man has had sex, he forgets all of his problems and he goes out and he hears birds and whatever. Because now men think connection is sex, but that's not how women's. Women see compassion. And that's what we're going to talk about. And so women see it as passion and that that's how they connect. And so then after connection, they you want to feel value. You want to feel like I am contributing to values and bringing something to the relationship that's enhancing him and now is better. And then when you do that, when that relationship expands, then that's the aliveness, that's the passion that everybody wants. And and and here's here's here's the thing, and this is what I've is that when you have passion, sex becomes less important. And that's that's revolutionary for a man, and I'm a man now that we have really gone through all of this and we're at this stage. Man, passion it's better than sex, I'm going to tell you, because I can look at her and I can feel the passion and we look at each other and smile, and sometimes that is better than this temporary you know, five ten, however long you can have sex is because passion is that when I when I see her in

16:46 the morning, I feel the passion and it has nothing to do with so so that's it. But you gotta have safety. You got and this is all I'm gona tell you. I'll tell you I did not do this full circle really to about two or three. Okay, my wife I done felt she didn't feel fully safe. He felt Look, she felt eighty percent safe, but not that twenty percent. We had eighty percent connection, but I'm telling you we didn't have the other. She felt some value, but I don't think she felt complete value. And we had some passion, but we didn't have that tenuous Okay, So you can you can get through marriage, and marriage can be good. But I'm going to tell you if you can make that one shift, it can be great.

17:28 And I'm telling you we've been married for forty years, we've had two two and a half three years great marriage and all of those pictures you see of us in Egypt and all that, that's because we hanced our relationship and now we have we are. We feel so alive, we go, we've been Africa two or three times. We done. And that's what I'm talking about. That's the passion that you just enjoy, enjoy experiencing life together. And that's it. And I don't want you to feel too you know, woo woo stuff, But I'm just this is what we've experienced. Okay. So what's the biology behind this. Well, when you feel safe, you can rest and digest, okay, and that's where your sexual energy can. You have to be really in order for the reproductive system to work. That's why men have performance anxiety. That's why women when they go through infertility work up is so stressful that a lot of times they can't get pregnant. Then once they relax, now they get pregnant because now the rest and digest system is allowed to reproductive system to work. So then the reason of our connection is because we value, Are we crave binding are oxytocin. Oxytocin is when you hug somebody that you love and you just feel it. That's that binding or bonding hormone. And so and then the value is that everybody wants they have a certain identity that they want to protect, okay, and they want you to respect

18:58 that identity. And then the aliveness is the dopamine, the vitality, and the sexuality. That's what I'm talking about. I'm telling you that passion is a wonderful thing. And when you're passionate about something or someone, it's a it's a great feeling. All right. So let's see we're still doing it. Kind of good all time, all right. So Stage one, See there's romantic love, and believe it or not, you are attracted to a person who subconsciously is different from you. And that difference is actually good, okay, because I'll tell you my wife and I were we are very different, but it actually fulfills some of my weaknesses. And so anyway, let's start it. So you get you get chemistry, and you fall in love. You see this person, it's just oh God. And what you're really doing, you're projecting your ideal person onto this person. Okay, So you have an idealized idea of what this person is because when you you are in love, it covers up a multitude of faults. Okay.

20:05 Now this is romantic love. So you don't see that the you know, his feet or nasty or you don't. You don't see a lot of the stuff. You just see what you want to see, okay, And so it is wonderful. You don't see the differences. And I told you Nature does not make anything exactly the same. So you may think you have so many things in common, but you are different. You two are different, he says, you wake up from the honeymoon and you find out that that person is different. Now, sometimes the honeymoon is a day, and sometimes the honeymoon is two, three, four years. But sooner or later you're going to find out that that person is different. So the difference is surface, okay.

20:47 And then they really come from the childhood wounds. You really want your spouse to provide you what you didn't get as a child, and that's this Harvey injuries that's what he said. That's that's his theory is that that's what you are, that's what you are are longing for, and that's what you are attracted to. You don't know that, okay, but you are attracted to the things that you didn't get as a child. And remember all of those are emotions. You can't verbalize it or whatever, but it comes up. So now when they when you find out that that's what's that, there's differences, all right, you say, that's not what I signed up for. I wanted you to be what I am, not what I am lacking. Okay. So but then you find out that that person is exhibiting all those and at first you see it as a problem, and then when you are under stress, it just intensifies those differences. Those differences aggravate you even more, all right, And so most couples will exit right there. They're like, you're not the person I'm married. And I'll tell you that that life situations. When children come, mother change, women change, fathers change. Okay, So when children come, when you're dealing with all of the issues of parenting, those are stressful events.

22:09 So it intensifies those differences, right, So you have to understand that as life changes, the person is going to change. And people say, we grew apart. Yeah, you're right, you did grow apart. You went your own ways, you didn't connect, and you had these joint joint projects that you wanted to do, a joint ideas, right, So let's move on. So and then what Harvard Hendrix doesn't understand is that, yes, it's hard to feel connected, it's hard to feel safe, it's hard to feel alive, and it's hard to feel valued when all of this stuff is going on. You got chronic cortisol, we don't sleep, we have sleep deprivation, has tos, throne shifts, period malopolse ships, identity crisis. You know, people get to their fifties and life is that all their is. I've worked, worked, worked, and now I'm here and I'm tired. My family's falling apart. I have all these things. What is this all about? So you've got to you've got to navigate it. You've got to be able to identify all of these issues and and and that's that's why I think you know these two go together.

23:18 Is that the couple that we talked to last night, they are two days ago. They had the patient for a long time, so they understand all this. We got the hormones right, they come in and get ivs, the quarters are right, so they were. They were in the perfect situation that we could sit down and talk to them and they could actually full And really the whole issue was neither one of them felt sicke. The man was having some financial challenges in his business, so he was not feeling safe, and then it was making her feel unsafe. Okay, So it was really all about that first one. And when you don't have safety, you can't connect, you can't value each other, and you definitely can't feel alive.

23:59 So it was all about trying to understand that they both were feeling insecure. They both were feeling unsafe, so they had to verbalize that. And so now she understood while he was reacting like that, he was keeping all of that in. He didn't want to tell her all of that stuff. So we got it all out in the open. They both understood each other. And here's the other thing. My wife brought me into the session because she said, I need some man ears in here because things get misinterpreted because a woman speaks from a woman's brain and a man hears from a man's brain, and a lot of times that communication gets disrupted in the process. All right, So let's go ahead. The early decision divorce was not an option. So what it did is forced us to grow. And that's what we have done. We have grown. We have grown emotionally, we've grown physically. You know, we go to the gym, trying to take care of our bodies. We know we're getting older. Were trying to take care of our brain. We try to always be learning.

25:02 We try to do things to challenge ourselves. We you know, we went and climbed this mountain to see the mountain guerrillas. It was a challenge and so we experienced life together. You see. We've been to each of all these kinds of things, all right, So what that is created? So it's time for a break. So then we're going to get like, so what do you do from here? So we've been on for thirty minutes, so let's take a little break and then we'll go from there. We are going to a quick break, So stay with us as we explore the Ageless Blueprint right here on W four HC Radio and Talk for TV. An ancient secret with a modern twist for better health and vitality.

25:43 Doctor Taylor, We'll be right back. Taking care of your health shouldn't mean taking a handful of pills every day. At Taylor MD Formulations, they create doctor developed supplements that combine them best natural ingredients so you get the results you need with fewer pills. Tailor MD Formulations is backed by science, designed for real life, with real results, less pills, better health, doctor approved. Shop now at Tailor MD formulations dot com and discover smarter supplements for smarter health. Let's Tailor MD formulations dot com. We are back for more of Ageless Blueprint once again. Let's join doctor Taylor for more insights and research on the ancient secret to better health and a better life in modern times. Here's your host, doctor Eldred Taylor.

26:39 All right, hello, we're back and if you just join us, welcome to Asless Blueprint. And I am the hartmone doctor and Spiritual MD. But now today I'm just the married guy's about to celebrate his fortieth wedding anniversary and trying to you know, I see these YouTube videos they have these older get older bulls and gus talking about what they wish they knew, you know, they may be sixty seventy. Hey what I wish I knew, you know, a long time ago, my life would have been easier. So this is what I'm kind of getting across. Hey, look, this is how we survived forty years of marriage. I'm listening to people who are supposed to be marriage coun you know who. Our marriage counsel is good, and I'm just trying to see how can I add what I know to what are those core values of love and marriage or whatever that we talked about, which was safety, connection, value, and then vitality or Latin. So what that created when we decided that we were not going to get divorces, divorce was off the table. So what we would do is that, Hey, when we saw that a discussion was getting a little bit out of hand, we'd say, hey, we're raising our voice. Let's take a little time. Let's go to our corners. You know. Luckily we have a big enough house where you can go one place and we just kind of calmed down for a minute and really under try and figure out, all right, now, what is this all about? All right? Now? Sometimes I will

28:10 go and take a walk. The exercise kind of clear your mind. You know and try and stay in the present. Don't talk about things that have happened and all that. Just stay in the present. What is this particular situation about. We gave ourselves some space before we made any real decisions about whatever we were arguing about. Let's let's calm down, Let's let our executive brain come back online. Let's get out of the fight or flight. Let's let's think about this, and let's think about how important our relationship is. Now, let's go back and talk. Okay, So never decide in this regulation. Never decide when your frontal cortex, when your executive brain is offline, whenever you're in fight to flight.

28:51 That's what is That's what's happening right now. Here's what actually happened in our marriage. Now. You see, now I've told you that the only reason why I started age was the print. And you know I'm doing what I'm doing today is because I changed. Okay. I was turning sixty four, about to turn sixty five, and I said, you know, I don't I'm not sure which way my life is going. And we're just gonna just decline and just fade off into the sunset? Are we going to try and live life to the fullest. So I and actually, you know, I will tell you that I changed. People change when there's conflict or when there's chaos. So what was actually happening is I was there was a lot of things going on. We had some issues with some neighbors and family and whatever, and I was really feeling frustrated.

29:48 And my wife was like, what is wrong with you? Why are you like this? She said, I don't know if I can stay with you if you remain like this, And this is after we were married thirty eight years, and I'm like, wow, you know what is wrong with me? So anyway, I took that reality creator course and I decided I was going to create my future. Is that you can. You can think your way into a better future because what you feel internally will be manifested externally. And one of the things I wanted was I wanted my wife. I wanted us to have a true, loving relationship. And what I understood is that I had to change. I had to understand her better. And she always thought that I listened to her, but I didn't really hear her.

30:33 And women wanted to be heard, and the only way I could do that is I had to open up and allow my emotions to be exposed, and then I could understand her emotions. And men are taught to suppress their emotions, and the only time men can release their emotions is when they have sex. So they have all these pent up emotions. And the reason why men gravitate towards sex because that is the one time they can feel free to express themselves. So, oh, you know, so then that's it. So when you open yourself up and you allow your emotions to come out more regularly and more consistently match the emotions of your wife, that's when the marriage, I'm telling you it exploded. Okay, this these last two years, have no doubt about it. In the best two years of our marriage. Why because I changed and then when I changed, she responded to me differently, and then she started to change because she had to.

31:34 She had to reflect back my change. And so that's how it happens. Okay, when one person changed, so you're trying to change the other person. And you we've all heard this. We said, the other person will change in response to you changing. So I had to take It's not that my wife didn't love me like how I wanted. I needed to love her like I wanted her to love me. Okay, Now it sounds crazy and paradoxical, but that is when our marriage changed, is when I changed. So stop trying to change your spouse. If you change, the person will well if you change, the person will respond to you differently if they if they love you, Okay, be loved because love can't out all fear. Love covers up a multitude of faults, faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love. And I'll tell you what I told the couple. I said, sometimes my wife gets on my very last nerve, but I love her, Okay, is that I can't. I love her, so I can't.

32:43 It doesn't matter. She gets on my nerves, but at the end, I just love her and I'll get over it and then we'll go back and we'll continue to have this relationship. All right. So that's what I'm talking about. If you can just push through. And it took me thirty eight years, hopefully it won't take you that long. Okay, hopefully it'll take you less time. But now we had a good marriage, but now it's great. So I just want to put that I'm not saying that we just stayed together for the kids and all that stuff. No, we didn't. We nurtured our relationship from the beginning. We took date nights because we understood that if we loved our family, we had to stay together. We learned that the hard way. Okay, we did it, so that's important, all right. So anyway, so yesterday's session, how we were able to do. We slowed them down, We normalized their stress.

33:31 We let it like, this is how these two people feel. You have to you have to communicate that. We removed the catastrophic think. Catastrophic thinking. We told them at the beginning, let's take divorce off the table, and now let's talk. Because when you threatened somebody with divorce, that disturbs their safety. So once you mentioned that, now they feel unsafe. Now they're in fight or flight. Now their executive function has turned off. Okay, so you have to stay with that. Divorce is is not an option. Now let's talk. Let's figure out how we're going to grow from this. And we're not going to destroy this and destroy our family, destroy our kids. We are not going to do that. So so their nervous system softened, and that's when clarity returned.

34:16 Their executive function came back on and they were able to work this out. Now I'm not I'm not naive. They still need marital counseling, but hopefully they're going to come at it in a different way. All right, So let's let's talk about greater voice, because they were in that greater voice section. Okay, and his wife had actually passed away, so he was a widower and this was the second marriage and so that you know, that was you know, a whole kind of thing too. But anyway, so great a voice question. Are people divorced it because they are incompatible? Are because they are disregulated? Now I will tell you I have had I have had Patience come back to me after we got into harmon strait and they said, Wow, if I had have done this, I probably wouldn't have gotten a divorce. I've heard that more than one time. So that's why I believe that that some divorces are just incompatible. But I believe that a lot of them is just you have two disregulated people trying to you know, trying to have those core values of relationship, trying to connect, trying to feel safe, trying to respect each other, and it's hard to respect another person when you don't love and respect yourself. Okay, So if you detegrate yourself, you you know, abuse yourself with the thoughts that you're having. It's very hard to love someone else if you don't love yourself. Okay, And those are all you know, all all of these religious

35:46 teachings and all your you have to love yourself first. That's why they say on the airplane, put the mask on yourself first before you try and help somebody else. That is a key of life, I believe. All right. So the family, it's not nostalgia, it's not religion, it's not repression, but it's commitment. It's about identity evolution, and you have to realize that, yes, you are not married to the same person that you initially got married to. Everybody changes, their identity changes. People learn that, go through different experiences, so then they change. So and even your whole body we've all heard this. Every seven years, every cell in your body is different than what it was seven years ago. All right, So you are there, so you have to understand that you are going to change.

36:36 Both of you are going to change. And you got to understand are you going to grow apart? Are you going to grow together. That is the decision that you have to make. But it's a lot easier to make it if you are all regulated and that you have a shared mission. You know, some people think it's crazy that me and my wife work together, but we have a shared mission, and that shared mission we enjoy working together. We are together the twenty four to seven unless I'm going to the store or whatever. We are together twenty four to seven, unless she's asleep and I'm down here. But we live our lives together, you know, And so that the fact that we have gone through all of this makes that a whole lot easier, because we could not have worked together early in our relationship because we were still disregulated. Now that we're more regulated, we can work together and enjoy each other and have a lot of fun. So anyway, so I'm telling you, so this is Harvel Hendrick's thesis. He says, the way you change society is you create stable families. If you can create a stable family, you are going to have well regulated children.

37:50 You're not going to have two disregulated people coming together. All right. Then that makes secure adults, and now these secure else can make strong communities. And then these strong communities can actually change society, all right. So that's his thought process, and he thinks that the reason that if you look at society now, what you do is you go backwards and say, what was the family life like with these children or whoever you're talking about, what was the family life like? It has family life changed in the last forty fifty years? Will of course it? Okay, So I am. I am a product of parents who grew up in the depression. They grew up in Ninten twenty three in nineteen twenty seven. Okay, So that so we had a stable family of six children. There was no drama in our house. There was no mention of divorce.

38:50 I never saw my pay my parents fight. I never saw them raise divorce at each other. And so that's how I am. Okay, now my wife totally different, parents divorced. She was looking for someone that she could have a stable family with. I guess I was looking for someone who was exciting, who was different than me, because she is the one who is planning these trips and these adventures and all of these things. Because she is different from me, and she sleeps late. I wake up early, I go to bed early. She stays up late. We used to fight about that. Then we said, wow, that makes us productive, like twenty hours out of the day because somebody is up doing something for the family or for the business or whatever, taking care of the house.

39:44 So we ended up and we ended up cherishing, cherishing our differences. And that's what Carville Hendrix is saying. He says, Look, you are looking for somebody to complete you. You are looking for somebody to give you what you do didn't get when you were growing up. You're looking for someone who has a different perspective on life so you can grow. And I will tell you that my wife has stimulated my growth every time when we wrote the books. All your heartmones making you sick, it's because my wife said, you're not passionate about anything. You finish your residency, you're doing your obijun, and you just think you've made it.

40:25 You're only thirty something years old. You need to have some passion. And she wasn't talking about having more sex. She was talking about being passionate about something. So I got passionate about biodeonnical hormones and wrote. We wrote this book together, then we changed our practice together, all of these things because she challenged me. The reason why I'm doing ass footprint is because she's challenged me. She said, you can't be like this all the time. I can't. I don't like you being like this, and so I changed. Now, I'll tell you when I went to Egypt and we saw all of these statues of the pharaohs, and several of the statues would have the pharaoh in front, and then if you went to the side, you would see that there was a woman doing this, pushing him forward.

41:11 And when you talk about behind every good man, there's a good woman, that is one hundred true. Because women see things in men that they don't see my and my wife saw things in me that I never even thought I was capable of. So women push men forward. Okay. Now, women, they don't need anybody to push them, Okay, they don't. But men need somebody to see what their potential is. Women know their power, they know their inner strength. Women they know that they have intuition, they're connected with themselves. Men have been told to disconnect from their inner emotions.

41:52 All right, So now, but a woman can see it, and they can, and if you'll listen, then they can really hands your life. Okay, But men, I'll tell you need to listen to your wife. Your wife will allow you to become who you were destined to be. And I really one to believe that, because there's no way I would be doing what I'm doing now if my wife had not challenged me, been a partner with me. That we grew together and we're at the stage of our life and we're not looking at each other crossing and we're not wishing that the other person would go somewhere.

42:34 It really is. I didn't know that after forty years you could feel better about a marriage then you felt when you first saw each other, and you're like, oh, you know this, this is a match made in heaven and all that stuff. You think that's the greatest thing that ever was, and you try to want to get back to that, but no, I'm telling you that there was much more at the end of that rainbow, and at the fat at the beginning of the rainbow. The light is brighter at the end than it even is at the beginning. So I don't know, Hey, rebel, I know we got a couple of minutes left, but I think I got one most like, so this is it. So if you want to change society. You don't start in Washington. It's not about the mid term elections, it's not about any of that stuff. If you want to change society in the future, you ought to start it in your living room first, with you and your spouse, before you even think about having children. But then when you have children, you got to think about how is my relationship with my spouse going to affect my children?

43:40 And that's what's important. You got So if you want to if you're not happy with what society is, now change your living room. Okay, change your living room, Change how you relate to each other. Try to instill those core values, but try to get your body regulated so that you can provide safety for each other, so you can connect to each other, so you can respect each other, and then you can feel alive with each other and you can have passion in your life. And I'm telling you, passion is a wonderful feeling. All right, all right, Rebel, that's me next week. I'll be back as the hormone doctor and the spiritual MD. But I saw this, and you know, I'm thinking about bringing my wife on and we talk about this, and you know, so we just got to do it. At another time, like I told you, Rebel, because she she sleeps late. Nine o'clock is earlier for her.

44:38 I've been up since five before thirty five o'clock. This is my time to shine. And that's why I do my podcast early like this, And I wanted to show you I'm in my spare bedroom. See, I sneak down here so I can do what I want to do and I don't disturb my wife. And so that's why I said, let me, let me let you see me in my natural habitat here. So all right, Rebel, Well, I know we gotta go. We got any questions or anything. We have a lot of questions. The first that song Cheaper to Keeper, isn't it? Possibly by Johnny Taylor from nineteen seventy exactly, Yes it is. Yes, it's Cheaper to Keeper. I was gonna say, like Ray Charles, I'm like, no, that's not it. Yeah, that was that was? So what else do we have? Do we have? Some? We have lots of questions here. I'm probably gonna have to eail Okay, Okay, We'll emailed me, yeah, and I will answer. I'll say here today and try to answer them. Okay, I know, I got on a roll and I couldn't stop. You can help all these their questions. You do a part two, okay, all right, So I'll look the questions and try to do a part two and maybe the part two is I'll bring my wife on. We can answer those questions. Okay, all right, all right, thank you guys, thanks for listening.

45:46 Thanks for joining Doctor Taylor today. If you missed any part of this show, just check out the podcast wherever you listen to podcasts. Angel's Blueprint is every Wednesday at nine am Eastern Time. I'm on W FOURC Radio at W FOURC dot com. Together, we discovered ancient secrets to better health through science and spirituality made for modern times. Until then, feel free to check out Ageless Blueprint podcast dot com and tailor Mvformulations dot com for more information