Aug. 19, 2026

10 Things Women Wish Men Understood About Perimenopause & Menopause

Show Notes
Transcript

Why doesn’t she feel like herself anymore? Dr. Eldred Taylor explores 10 things women wish men understood about perimenopause and menopause. Learn how changing hormone patterns, ovulation, progesterone, stress, cortisol, sleep, fatigue, mood, confidence and intimacy may affect women and their relationships—and discover practical ways partners can listen, communicate and provide support during this transition.

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Eldrick Taylor here today and every Wednesday at 9 a.m.

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A better life with Ageless Blueprint starts now. Here's your host, Dr.

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Eldred Taylor.

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Hello, good morning. It is Wednesday at 9 o'clock, so

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it's time for the Ageless Blueprint.

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I am Dr.

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Taylor.

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I am the hormone doctor and the spiritual MD. And today,

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we are going to talk about the 10 things that

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women wish men understood. Now, I think it was a

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couple of weeks ago, I talked about how women and

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their menstrual cycles have been confusing women. But 10,000 years,

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the ancient Romans and Greeks and Egyptians, they could not

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understand what was going on with women. And women didn't

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understand what was going on with them. And so my

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whole 25, 30 years has been trying to understand women.

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I'm an OB-GYN and I'm a man. And I've been

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married for 40 years. OK, so I have gone through

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everything that I'm going to talk about today. I have

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tried to understand what my wife was telling me. I

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read the book, Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus, 25,

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30 years ago, just trying to understand women. And that

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was good for my relationship and it was good for

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my profession. And so I always, I say, hey, look,

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no man really understands women, but I'm closer than most men.

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And to be honest with you, The reason why my

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wife and I wrote this book is because we knew

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her hormones were making her sick around age 35. And

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then we also found, because my wife's a doc, I'm

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a doc, we have two kids, we also understood how

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stress was connected. And so that's what I have been

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trying to understand for the last 25 years and really

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for the last 40 years of marriage. So the reason

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why I came up with this is because now that

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I'm on social media, I see all this stuff on

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social media. And so I saw how this woman came

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up with these 10 things that she wishes men would understand.

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And then I also see these men who are saying, Hey,

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this one guy was saying, Hey, when your wife tells

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you don't chew, then just swallow it whole. And it's like,

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if you choke, she's like, fine. So, men are afraid.

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I see these guys that are talking about when your

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wife does this, don't do this. And so what I

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want to do is I want to try and end

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the confusion between men and women. And now I know

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that's a big task, but I'm going to give my

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best effort. And I want you to understand that I've

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lived through most of this. I've lived through making the mistakes,

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saying the wrong thing at the wrong time. So there's

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nothing that beats experience. I see a lot of people, 25,

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30-year-olds give in relationship advice. I'm like, nothing beats wisdom

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and wisdom comes through experience. And believe me, I've experienced

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all of these things. And so let's just go through

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these 10. And what I'm going to try and do

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is to try and help the woman and the man

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understand what's going on and how they both can support

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each other. But it's primarily the man trying to support

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a woman through these transitions. I talk about cycles, balance

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and transitions. And that's what you have to understand. So

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let's go. Let's look at these 10 things. And I

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want people who are listening, hey, if you relate to

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these things, ask a question or put something in the

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comments or something. All right. So understanding her through perimenopause

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and menopause, what she may be experiencing and what you

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can actually do. And believe me, women, men want to help.

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They just don't know how. Okay. Because if you've been

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married for a 10, 15 years, you got married in

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the 20s. A lot of these things don't start happening

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until around age 35. That's when things start to happen.

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And women don't necessarily know what's going on because they

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have not been taught. Doctors, let me tell you, I

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didn't understand this until I went through this personally. And

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that's a lot of times what happens. So I'm trying

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to end the confusion for everybody and just give you

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a little bit of my experience. All right, let's go

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to the next slide. So these are the 10 things

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that we're going to try and sift through here, okay,

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is one. The woman said, I don't feel like myself anymore.

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I'm actually developing a course to help women to understand

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why they don't feel like themselves anymore, but we're going

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to talk about that. When they say, I need more

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alone time, and a lot of times men take it as, oh,

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you don't want to be around me. You don't love

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me anymore. That's not what she's saying, and we're going

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to talk about that. She misses who she used to be.

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You think that you have notice that something is going on.

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She's noticed it too. She doesn't understand it and it

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causes stress on her. She doesn't want to react like

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she is reacting because you can see she says, I

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know I'm overreacting, but sometimes I can't always stop it.

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And that's used to happen with me. My wife would

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yell at me or the children or whatever. And then

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afterwards she was like, oh, I'm sorry. She couldn't stop herself.

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Something small to you can feel enormous to her right now.

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It's not that that small thing is really that enormous,

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but her ability to handle it has diminished. So now

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what used to be like, hey, can you cook me breakfast,

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which was easy, now is hard. So my confidence has

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changed in ways you might not expect. She may be

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looking like everything's fine, but her confidence is really shaken.

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Her social battery has completely changed. She may be more withdrawn,

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but that's not necessarily her. It's what the transition and

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what these hormones are doing to her and the stress.

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Sleep doesn't always fix how exhausted I am. A lot

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of times the husband says, you know, she's lazy. She's

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not cleaning the house like she used to. She's not

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cooking like she used to. It's a hormonal cortisol problem.

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It's not that all of a sudden she became a

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different person. It's just our hormones have changed. And I

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always and I don't always want you to solve the problem.

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They just want you to believe her when she says that, Hey,

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I think something's going on. It's not you. It's a believer. Okay. Don't,

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don't make it bigger than it really is or make

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it something different than it really is. Right. So does

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this sound like anything that you've been dealing with rebel?

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I don't know if you have a significant other or whatever,

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but I'm sure you probably hear people talking about this

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and their relationships or whatever. This sound familiar at all

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at all rebel.

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Are you there?

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Yes, I'm here.

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It's, um, It does sound.

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All right.

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We'll keep going. All right, so the sentence men need

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to hear is, I don't feel like myself anymore, and

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I may not know how to explain why. And that's it.

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It's not demanding that you have a perfect explanation. She

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just wants you to believe her, is that she feels different.

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And I've had several notes and messages from husbands who say, okay,

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thank you for bringing my wife back to me because

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they feel like the woman they married has left. And

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they're so happy for anybody to help them either understand

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it or help their wives to feel better and to

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get back to be like herself again, right? Now, so

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what you need to understand is that you may have

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gotten married in the 20s, you had your babies and everything,

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but the transition really doesn't start. It really starts before

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her cycles may get irregular. So hormone patterns and ovulation

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may become less predictable. She can get changes in her

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sleep and her bleeding, the stress tolerance, energy, mood, or desire,

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and may appear years before menopause because officially menopause is

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reached after 12 months without having a menstrual cycle. It

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is a new biological season. It's not the beginning of irrelevance, weakness,

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or end of intimacy. A lot of times we have

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these pictures, and I think today things are totally different

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where your mother and grandmother's In menopause, they may have

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been satisfied with just taking care of the grandchildren or whatever.

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But a lot of times, these women are ambitious. They

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want to keep going. So they don't want to look

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at menopause and perimenopause as the end of something. They

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want to figure out how can they continue to do

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and be productive like they used to be for as

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long as possible. Because I talk to these women who

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are 35, 40 years old. 50 years old, and they

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think that they're going to be like that for the

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rest of their lives because they don't understand that this

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is just a transition. And men, you need to understand

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this is just a transition. She's not going to be

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like this forever if you understand what is going on

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and what to do about it. That's the key. All right.

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The first major shift is often inconsistent ovulation. So what

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you need to understand, this is what I call gynecology

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made simple, is that the key is ovulation because there's

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two hormones, estrogen and progesterone. Okay. When ovulation becomes less consistent,

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progesterone production becomes less consistent. So why is that important?

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Because progesterone is not only about pregnancy. You need progesterone

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to And they may have monitored your progesterone when you

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were pregnant because progesterone promotes gestation because it is the

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pregnancy hormone. But it's not just the pregnancy hormone. It

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also balances estrogen growth signal and supports a more stable

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hormonal rhythm. I would love for you to go to

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my YouTube channel, whatever, where I explain this over and

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over again. I have all kinds of slides on the

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menstrual cycle. But first, there's estrogen, who stimulates growth to

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regrow the tissue that she just shed in her previous cycle.

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Then you have to ovulate. Ovulate means making an egg,

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and that's very sensitive. It can be thrown off by

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any kind of stress, any kind of physical, emotional stress,

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or just as you age, it becomes inconsistent. So before

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menopause and perimenopause, you can have inconsistent cycles due to

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lack of ovulation. And that can be called PCOS or

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PMOS or or anything, or PMS. It can be called

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any of that. But as we go through this perimenopause, 35, 40, 45,

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it's primarily because the eggs are older, and they don't

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ovulate as well, and they don't make as much progesterone.

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And progesterone is a very calming hormone. See, the problem

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is often a loss of balance, not low estrogen. All

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over the internet, and what I was talking about, is

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that menopause is an estrogen deficiency condition. But as I

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got into practice, I saw that that's not the case.

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It's really the balance between estrogen and progesterone. And progesterone

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only is made in significant amounts when you ovulate. And

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100% of women will stop ovulating if they live long enough.

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100% of women will stop being reproductive. So this is

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the transition they're going through. They're going through from being

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reproductive to non-reproductive. And in puberty, teenagers are going from

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non-reproductive into being reproductive. That transition is also turbulent. That's

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why your teenage daughters have a lot of emotional issues,

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can have a lot of emotional issues and hormonal issues.

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And perimenopausal women can have those same kind of issues.

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And I'll tell you, men, if you've got a teenage

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daughter and you've got a perimenopausal wife, you've got a

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lot of confusion. And so now everybody's confused. Everybody's in

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an uproar because no one understands what is actually going on.

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And the problem is not that you're low in estrogen.

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You're low in what balances estrogen and organizes the tissue.

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So you have a nice normal cycle. You have a

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nice normal emotional response. Everything needs to be in balance.

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And because of stress, we see that disruption and ovulation

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is often the problem, whether you're young or old. If

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it's hormonal issues, if you can clock your symptoms by

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the calendar, then a lot of times it's a hormonal

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issue and you have to see it as that and

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men have to stop taking it so personally, right? So

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why our capacity for stress may feel smaller? Well, When

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your hormone rhythm is less consistent, ovulation can change the

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stabilizing progesterone pattern. That's what I'm talking about. Progesterone helps

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stabilize everything, but it only happens with ovulation. Now, her

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capacity for stress may also feel smaller because usually if

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you don't have that calming hormone, then it's hard for

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a woman to cut her mind off. So you may

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want to go to sleep and she's up, she's doing things,

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she's mopping the floor, she's doing all of these things.

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because she is not able to sleep because cortisol, when

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you've been under stress for a long time, cortisol can

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rise and be abnormally high at night because you're thinking

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about things or whatever. So progesterone not being able to

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turn your mind off and cortisol, when that's abnormal, that'll

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wake you up at two or three o'clock in the

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morning and you can't go back to sleep. And men,

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this is a hormone issue. women, it's usually a hormone issue.

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And I'm not saying nothing else could be wrong, but

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you at least want to look at that. And cortisol

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chronic stress may distort the daily energy and recovery rhythm

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because cortisol should be high in the morning and low

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at night. When you've been under a lot of stress,

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when she's been under a lot of stress, initially cortisol

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raises because cortisol mobilizes glucose. So you have energy during

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the day and then it should go down at night.

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You go to sleep at night. But a lot of

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times when it's high like this, you're adrenal gland has

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to recover. And a lot of times it recovers by

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making a kind of a straight line cortisol, where in

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the morning you should have this much energy, but you

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only have this much. And at night you should have

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this much energy and you have that much. So you

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can't sleep at night and you're tired all day. And men,

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I don't want you to think she's lazy. It's just

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her cortisol rhythm has gotten disrupted. So what you see

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may not be the whole story. See, when she is

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withdrawing and saying, I need some alone time, you see distance.

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But she's just saying, I'm overloaded right now. My cortisol,

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a lot of times people think their cortisol is high

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when they feel like this. No, your cortisol is low

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because cortisol helps you to adapt to stress. And now

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you can no longer adapt to these daily stressors. And

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so you feel overloaded. So you need to, you want

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to withdraw this kind of regroup. So you see irritability,

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but she may be over-stimulated or depleted. You see withdrawal,

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but she may be protecting her limited energy because you

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only have a limited amount of energy. And to get

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more energy, a lot of times you will have cravings

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for sugar and for carbohydrates because you're trying to fill

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in that energy gap. And she's trying to do what

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she normally does, but she can't do it anymore.

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All right.

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And now you see rejection. But she may need safety

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before connection because when they feel like this, intimacy is

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really low on the totem pole. They are trying to

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figure out what is wrong with them. They are trying

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to keep peace in the house or you're trying to

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keep peace in the house. And so intimacy is often lost.

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But they have to. This is the key to intimacy.

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Women have to feel good and safe in order and

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relaxed in order to want to have sex. Men, they

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have sex so they can feel relaxed. And so that

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causes a whole nother set of problems because the man

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is saying, hey, we have some problems here. Let's have sex.

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They'll fix it. No, that just aggravates the woman more.

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So if you can only remember that, that'll be that'll

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be great. Right now, when she asked for quiet, that

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does not mean rejection. So you don't want to follow

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her from room to room and say, no, we're going

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to we're not going to go to sleep angry. We're

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going to get this done. You don't demand reassurance immediately.

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You don't punish her with silence because she's doing this.

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You don't turn her need for space into a debate

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about relationships. Just try to listen and don't say anything.

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And a lot of times this scares me. And it's like, OK,

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I said this and she got it. Just listen. That's

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what women appreciate is someone who listens. They feel heard.

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And a lot of times that's all they want. It's

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just for you to listen and to say you understand.

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And it's hard for you to say you understand if

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you don't understand. So that's what I'm trying to help

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you to do is to understand so you can say

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it and mean it. So when the reaction seems bigger

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than the moment, the final demand may not have caused

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the entire reaction. It may have overloaded a system already

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carrying too much. So you may have just asked for

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the salt. And now this seems overwhelming. This seems overwhelming

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for you. But that's not that's not the problem. The

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thing that you ask for salt, that you ask for salt,

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that's not the problem. It's the fact that all of

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these other things are going on and that's the straw

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that broke the camel's back is that one thing. So

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don't take it like that. Don't just understand, okay, I'm sorry,

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I didn't need to pass the salt like this. I

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saw this one guy on Facebook, he was like, told

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her to stop chewing. And I've heard that. My wife

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told me, you're chewing too loud. Okay, you're breathing too loud. Like, what,

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you want me to stop breathing? She's like, well, if

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that's what it takes. So she really doesn't want you

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to die, okay? She really doesn't. Doesn't she?

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Really? Sometimes she might.

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No, but I mean, but hey, look, I've heard this

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on social media, okay, is that they don't care. It's just,

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and it's not them. It really isn't them. And again,

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I hear it over and over again that, hey, thank

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you for bringing my wife back. So anyway, so what

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should you do? You should pause, lower the stimulation. Okay,

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reduce one demand. Say, hey, forget it. I'll get the

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salt myself. You just relax, okay? And then you talk

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after she has calmed down a little bit. And don't

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say calm down, okay? Just wait and let this like

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disruption kind of pass and settle down. And just ask her,

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when you get ready to talk about this, I'm here,

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all right? All right, when confidence changes, protect dignity, So

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a lot of times she may feel not confident in

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doing a lot of things. She may want you to drive.

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She may want you to go to the store and

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you fix dinner tonight. So she says, I suddenly feel

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anxious doing things I've done for years. I see this

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a lot. And that's why people come to me is

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because these people high-performing women, or just anybody who has

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a lot on their plate, a lot of children dealing

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with divorce, whatever, now they feel anxious about a lot

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of things because they don't have this ability to adapt.

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They don't have that cortisol rhythm during the day to

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help them adapt. They say, I don't trust myself the

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way I used to because of the brain fog. She

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can't think clearly. She can't make these connections. Why is that?

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Because cortisol disrupts. It causes you to have these beta

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waves that are very scattered. And when you're calm and relaxed,

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you have more alpha waves that actually organizes thoughts for you.

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So you have all these disorganized thoughts and you ruminate,

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you do all of these things and it makes you

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feel anxious and it makes you feel indecisive. So I

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don't trust myself the way I used to. I don't

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understand why driving feels harder. So don't ridicule her fear.

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Don't say, what's wrong with you? Offer choices without taking control.

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It's like, do you want me to drive? Do you

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just want to stay here and I'll go get it?

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So drive when she asks. Go with her when support helps.

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A lot of times my wife, she's like, I want

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you to go with me. I'm like, what do you

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want me to do? She's like, I just want you

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to be here.

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Okay.

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And so you see these men holding the purse in

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the shopping mall. They're trying to be a good husband. Okay.

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They didn't want to go to the shopping mall, but

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they went, they held the purse because they're trying to

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support their wives. So encourage evaluation when a change is

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new or significant. Now, I'm not telling you that everything's hormonal.

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If there's a significant change, you know, in her cycles,

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she feels a lump or, you know, anything like that.

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I'm not saying that just brush it off as hormones.

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It's that if you understand what normal is, and even

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though this seems abnormal, it really is normal, then you

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will really understand when something abnormal comes up. Like if

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If she's in menopause and starts bleeding, we call it

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postmenopausal bleeding. That's always a warning sign. If she's having

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prolonged bleeding where she's really feeling tired, she may be anemic.

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So I'm not trying to brush off everything to say, hey,

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it's hormones. But if you understand what's a normal transition,

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then you'll be able to recognize an abnormal transition. That's

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what's important is not to make the normal seem abnormal

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and don't make the abnormal seem normal. OK, so that's

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that's what we're trying to do. A smaller social battery

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is not a smaller love. OK, so she may not

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want to go out as much. You'd like, well, let's go.

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Let's go to dinner. Let's do this. No, you know,

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my anxiety will kick up. You're like, well, we used

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10 Things Women Wish Men Understood About Perimenopause & Menopause

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